My husband, I have sex. In fact, we recently set a goal, to have more of it. I agree, this sounds like it lacks spontaneity and excitement but setting a goal, with actual numbers, is how we know we will have more sex. We are very committed to having an exceptional marriage and ensuring a fantastic sex life is a part of how we will continue to achieve that.
I am a doctor and I have seen the studies on sex and sleep. After an orgasm, the female body releases a hormone called Oxytocin aka the cuddle hormone as well as increased levels of Estrogen, both things that will increase melatonin, our sleep hormone. Hence the scientifically sound theory that sex provides you with good night sleep. Therefore, having more sex will not only improve your connection it will also help you sleep. I love me a BOGO!
But… this is not how my body works, after sex, I am wide awake, super chatty and have completely lost my sleep zone. Even if when we went to bed earlier, I still struggled with this post intercourse issue. I started asking female patients about the impact sex had on their sleep and quickly learned that many of us are experiencing this contradictive response.
It turns out that sex may not be helpful for sleep for everyone! In fact, in addition to increasing your desire for cuddling, the hormone Oxytocin, also makes women want to stay up and talk. It can energize us into a second wind as we try to connect with our partner, who most likely has already turned over and fallen asleep. We may be left with feelings of agitated as we have no one to connect.
Another reason why you may be more awake after sex is that you have not been fully satisfied. If your body has not had a complete orgasmic release then you may be left with feelings of frustration. An honest conversation about what your sex needs are will both enhance your sex life as well as your sleep cycles.
I am still a firm believer that a healthy sex life will support many aspects of your health, including your ability to get a good night’s sleep but maybe you need to start questioning when you have sex and if that time is truly working for you. Maybe a shift to before dinner, before your kids get picked up from after school program or sex or Sunday morning sex while the kids are lost in their cartoons is a better fit for your body.
Perhaps you are not having sex or you are not sleeping whatever the case may be, ladies I need you doing both! So get yourself out of the box of what you used to do that is no longer working so that you can see an opportunity that is in sync with your sex life now.